There are few situations as satisfying as going to bed after a long day. For everyone except those who share a bed with a partner who snores, fidgets, steals their sheets, or wakes up long before they do. In these circumstances, sleep can be affected and deteriorate health and bond. This is why the bedroom divorce emerges as an interesting alternative.
Despite the unattractive name that has been assigned to this concept, the bedroom divorce does not imply in any case a conflict in the couple or a loss of intimacy. It is simply about sleeping in separate beds or bedrooms in order to preserve the rest of both.
This proposal may in the first instance generate some discomfort, but it really brings various benefits on a personal and relationship level. Let’s see why.
When is a bedroom divorce recommended?
Perhaps you have never considered that this option may be valid for you and your partner. However, the bedroom divorce is recommended for all those people whose rest is difficult when sleeping with a partner. There are those who manage to reconcile and maintain a deep sleep throughout the night without difficulty, but for other people this is a challenge.
If either partner snores, has sleep apnea or restless leg syndrome, if their sleep schedules are different and incompatible, or if they tend to move excessively, rest is impaired. Waking up in the middle of the night uncovered because the other is hogging the blankets, not being able to fall asleep because the other person wants to read or use the mobile phone before sleeping or suffering involuntary elbows is not pleasant.
In these cases, choosing to sleep separately can be an excellent solution. But it can also be very positive for couples who take turns caring for a baby at night. In this way, each of them achieves quality rest on certain days.
The main benefit, as well as the basic goal of sleeping apart, is getting a good night’s rest for both of you. However, a series of advantages derive from here that deserve to be taken into account:
- Given the importance of sleep for physical and psychological health, enjoying a quality rest helps prevent illness and improves cognitive functions. Thus, it is likely to obtain a better mood, a higher level of energy and a better work performance during the day.
- The benefits are not limited to the personal realm. Sleeping apart can also promote a better relationship climate. Some studies have found that well-rested couples are more understanding and able to read the emotions of their partners; in this way, conflicts are reduced and satisfaction increases.
- Resentments and reproaches derived from the problems caused by the other to sleep are avoided. Negative dynamics in the couple are reduced.
- By sleeping apart, both partners can stop using things like earplugs, nasal snoring sprays or sleeping pills, which can be harmful in the long run.
Many people are reluctant to sleep apart from their partner because they see this decision as a personal attack or a betrayal of the bond. Therefore, certain conflicts may arise:
- The partner who does not propose this solution may feel rejected or abandoned by his partner and feel resentment towards him.
- When we go to bed, we enjoy a moment of relaxation and calm, free from external stimuli, which is very conducive to intimacy as a couple. Sleeping in different rooms can lead us to lose those minutes of connection, conversation and affection in which all the attention is focused on the other.
- If certain measures are not taken, sexual life can also be affected, especially for those couples who choose the moment before sleeping to have sex.
How to suggest the idea of bedroom divorce?
To avoid the downsides that can arise from bedroom divorce, it is important to approach the issue as a joint goal that can benefit both members of the couple. If you are the one who finds it difficult to sleep, explain to your partner how this affects your mood and your way of relating.
Similarly, it is important that both reach a consensus on the terms of the agreement. It doesn’t have to be a permanent decision, nor does it have to be carried out every day. They can choose only two days a week to sleep separately or try temporarily until the baby is a bit older.
Finally, try not to affect privacy by this decision. Increase your displays of affection during the day, find other times to be alone and give yourself attention.
Bedroom divorce is an option
Each couple is different and the rules do not have to be the same in all cases. Sleeping in the same bed is not an obligation and it is not always the best alternative.
It is you who have to talk, negotiate and decide the solution that best suits your current needs. The most important thing to remember is that a bedroom divorce is not a loss, an emotional withdrawal or a rejection, but a way to improve rest.