At some point in our lives, we will find ourselves in the need to end a toxic friendship, which is not always easy. But when we realize that some relationships turn negative for our own well-being, the ideal will be to accept it and move away.
Many times, it happens that we ourselves resist and avoid ending negative friendships. Sometimes, unconsciously, we stay close to the wrong people. In this article we will see how we should proceed to get away from those who do not give us a good friendship.
Characteristics of a toxic friendship
Now we will review a list with some of the main characteristics of a toxic friendship. The idea is that you are able to recognize these behaviors in your everyday life.
In this way, you can differentiate between friendships that are worth keeping and those that are not. Go for it.
1. Although they are with you, they do not accompany you
The physical presence of a person does not necessarily imply company. Sometimes when we make plans with a group of friends we can feel alone.
Toxic friends don’t care about your opinions or concerns; they just want you to be with them and accept everything without question.
2. They focus on your flaws in a derogatory way
Friends help us to realize what areas we need to improve, but negative friendships will focus on our shortcomings in an unconstructive way. In this way, they will make us feel bad and will not provide any solution.
3. They will make you feel questioned
Some people have a tendency to question the behavior of others from their personal criteria, which is not very empathetic. A real friend will not judge your decisions, but will understand them and provide an opinion on them.
4. They will prevent you from having a leading role
There are friends who demand constant attention and, when for some reason, the attention is directed towards us, they cannot tolerate it. People who do not allow us to have projection cannot be friends; at least not in the right way.
5. Lack of coherence
Toxic friendships are inconsistent with your speech and often contradict each other with your actions. For example, those people who say they support us in our plans, but at the same time avoid getting involved in them.
This does not mean that all our friends have to be part of personal projects, but when there is no coherence between speech and actions, the situation is confusing. Ideally, a friendship can be honest and express clearly when it does not want to be part of a plan.
How to end a toxic friendship
Having reviewed the most common indicators of friendships that do not contribute anything positive, it is time to examine some effective ways to end a toxic friendship, without making it so difficult to do so.
1. Learn to set limits
To put aside a friendship that is not worth it, it is important to know those things that we are not willing to negotiate. In this sense, when we are able to maintain a firm position regarding our ideals and principles, we will know that it is best to get away from those who do not respond to the same criteria.
2. Express yourself assertively
The communication assertive is an important resource to get away from bad friends. When we can communicate our decisions clearly, we feel at peace. It’s about not suppressing the urge to walk away.
Expressing yourself assertively implies putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and understanding that you may not agree with the decision to distance yourself. However, you have to be firm and stick with the idea. We will have to be brief, concise and respectful when explaining our reasons.
3. Vent before putting distance
Before talking to that friend, you want to distance yourself from, it’s a good idea to vent to someone else. The objective is to avoid that the emotions can become uncontrollable during the conversation and everything ends up in conflict.
4. Visualize the moment of the conversation
The display is to create probable scenarios in our minds, like those that may occur during the conversation. In this way, we will be less exposed to surprise situations.
When we maintain control in tense situations, we can get out of them better.
5. Respect the other person’s opinions
As we have mentioned, the other person may not like the decision we have made. However, we must be firm in our way of proceeding.
This does not mean that we should force others to think like us. It is important to accept someone else’s point of view.
Can a toxic friendship stop being toxic?
It will not always be necessary to distance yourself from people; sometimes, relationships can be improved. A toxic friendship could cease to be as long as the parties involved are able to respect each other.
It is not necessary to agree on everything with friends, but it will be necessary to accept differences, as far as possible.